O M G

Someone's grandma was just telling her about this place in San Francisco where you can send "the gays" to get "cured".

HOLY!

I cannot believe people still talk and think like that.

It's almost humorous.

If it wasn't so disturbing.

And the thing is, I really like this old lady. If I didn't, I think I would be fuuuuuuming. But she's normally so lovely.

Bizarr-o.

Guess we'll just chalk it up to "dementia".

Who Is This...

LaLa Person and why, please, did she get her own tv show?

Supa

All I want to be is....


Supa

Skinny. Rich. Gorgeee.

And famous.


Is that too much to ask?!


Oh yeah ....

I forgot.

Smart. And healthy.

Organized and fabulous. Clever. Handy and artistic.

Motivated.


I guess that's it.


I am Stephanie Wasemiller and I approve of this message.

To Be Old And Not Give A Hoot

Dude.

Yesterday I was driving on a fairly busy road.
It gets QUITE a bit of traffic.
It really does.

OOOOH! If I'd only had my camera.

I see a clothes line....like the old square ones. The ones where you hang items on all 4 sides.

What do you think was hanging on the "street side" of the afore mentioned clothes line? The side for half of the city to admire?

OOOOOOH! If I'd only had my camera.

About 30 pairs of ginormous white granny panties!

OOOOOOOH! If I'd only had my camera.


Aaaaah to be old and not give a hoot!

People

That self-promote drive me nuts.

Why are you bragging about things that you should be doing?

That's just being a good person.

Or a normal one.

Whatever "normal" is.

Deconstruct that.

Yesterday I Guess

OY

All of a sudden I'm "older".

As in not so young.
Or hip.

Sometimes loud music annoys me.

My dance moves are old moves.  As in old people at a concert wearing a blazer and jeans and really "letting it go" to this "sweet jam".

Like Jamie's Corvette. As in they might be referred to as "old school".
And not "old school" in an awesome way... like old school in a lame way.
A very, very lame Corvette way.

Not that they (the dance moves) were ever all that great, but still.

I see those skinny botoxed bitches making fun of me....and my jeans....
So sorry.
JEGGING don't look all that fantastic on everyone. Not everyone can wear them.  I like a flared leg.  You just wait!  The bell bottome will be back.  YOU JUST WAIT!

Dummy McDummersons.

I see the young bucks being like....dude check out Old Lady Winter.... She has got some nice shoes, but Lord ... Her bags ........ the ones under her eyes. She must be like at least 27.

Whatever. Shut up.  Be quiet with those things I assume you just might, maybe have said.

How did this happen? Why are they so cruel?
And young and OBVIOUSLY Stupid.

Because I'm old. Ish.
That's why.

AND because I still think of myself as young and hipstery....not at all into Tupperware or anything lame.

I am very "in the know".
You know?

Well, I am in the know.  But it's more about room mom stuff and not where the next pop-up art studio/food truck/disco/pilates/candle-light yoga kiki is.

I'm not cool.  At all.  I don't even think "cool" is a cool word anymore.
And I think I'm too old to wear some of my clothes.

Painful, man.  Painful.

When did that happen?

Yesterday I guess.

Isn't It Funny

How something so dumb like changing your password at the bank to "Fartalicious" can just make your day?!

Do You Ever ......

Get sick of all of your stuff?


And volunteering? Helping and racketeering?
All of the quack quack quack?

Find yourself somewhat undone?


Unenthused...And you're not even sure if you spelled it right?

And the worst is.......
In charge.
You are in charge.

How did THAT happen?
Law! Who put me in charge? I'm quite certain it wasn't my parents.

Just kind of over it?

Of course you do.
I'm not the only one.
I'm just the only one dumb enough to blog about it.

It happens.
That's life. And life is full of waves.....Just when you're at the top, it crashes and you have to build it up again.

One day everything is awesome. You're nails look great, you're down 3 lbs and you're quite certain it looks like you've lost 10....You're house is clean, you're husband is handsome....the dog doesn't even shed anymore.....

The next day you're sucking at work. You're 16 years OLDER than Shia LaBouf. Your Starbucks card only has 37 cents left on it. AND you've got the biggest muffin top ever.


It's weird. But also familiar.
And so very last week.

Time to move on.
Stop being a victim. Eventhough it can be so fun. You just can't. You can't....well maybe for like 1 hour, but then you just have to have a cup of coffee and get on with it.

Or 5.

But I will admit that sometimes a nap feels sooo nice.
So have your coffee after your nap....but before 7 p m.

Loads of advice. You're welcome.

I Need To

Go to Verizon.....imagine....a broken phone.

Exercise.

Study.
Makes some returns.

Invent something.

LAUUUUUNDRYYYYY.

Write thank you notes.

Go to band practice.

Get dog food and heroin. And groceries. AND put them away. The worst.

Buy a sailboat.

Brush my teeth.
Put on a bra. Find something to wear......

Make homemade crackers.

Blog.
Go to ABC.com.

AAaaaand all I really want to do is watch Madmen and eat something......like Indian or Thai food .... ooooor pizza ...... or a burrito ....... or Special K Loaf.

Maybe I'll just pop some corn and play with a puppy.

The Lady Had A Pout.

And red lips that matched her bag. Pearls and an up-do. All in all she was perfectly coiffed.

..... Minus the scuff on her shoe, but it couldn't really be seen. Not really. Not unless you were looking for it.

And who cared anyway?

It was just the circus.

If anyone was going to be critiqued it should be the fat lady. With a mustache.


The End.

There's Nothing Worse Than...

A dirty closet.....unless you're halfway done cleaning it and you run out of steam. That, too is very very bad.

Not enough sleep.

A bad bra. Bad breath. Bad panty line. Bad traffic.
A very bad dancer.

Someone that doesn't shut up.

A broken heel half-way through the night.

No vacation time.

Saggy boobs.

Forgetting trash day.

Droppiness.

Not being invited.

No energy and no coffee.

Dirty fingernails.

Putting the groceries away.

A broken cell phone.

Two dorks with all kinds of PDA.

Feeling out of place.

No TV in the middle of a storm.

Pantyhose.

A know-it-all.

Being eaten by a shark. Allegedly.

Questions to Ponder When You Can't Sleep

Will Tim Riggens ever marry me?

How did Snookie get her nickname?
And for that matter, how did Turtle?

How much do you think Rachael Zoe weighs?
And how many packs a day do you think she smokes?
And why doesn't she get botox?


How did Jeff and Zoila meet?
Does Zoila have any kids?
Will Jenny ever have her own acting/hosting gig?

How much do you think they make a year? Mostly just curious about Jeff and Zoe.....But I wonder how much Jeff pays Jenny too....that is of much interest.
Probably not to most people...but to me...

Why is Slater so smug?
UGH! Mario and those damn dimples.
GAG

Will Dillon McKay ever be happy?
No.
And what, please, happened to his Porsche?!

Who is Padma's Baby Daddy?

Will Bethenny's marriage make it?
(YES?!!) I hope.
How tall is her new assistant Max?
Not that that's much to ponder....who really cares....I'm just curious I guess.


Did Joe really cheat on Theresa?
He better NOT HAVE!
But with all that animal print.....oye...who can tell!?

WHY are they cancelling Friday Night Lights?

Will Catelynn's mom ever be nice to her?
Poor bubs. I really do feel for her.
Seriously.

Why has Macy been on the cover of US Weekly twice and I haven't ever been on it...not even once....although a guy a dated was....well....one date...but still.

Is this Donald Trump's last marriage?
Blah. Who cares...he is soooooo 2007.

How many women has Jackie turned gay?
OOOhhhh Thintervention.

Why is Johnny Drama so funny? Actually that's not a question....It's just a given....but then....really...why?
Who cares. He's awesome.

How come you ?
And not me?

That's the biggest question.

Of all. Ish.
No. Not "ish".
It is the biggest question.

I Am So Over

The Eye of the Tiger.

Over-rated.


Not the song. (Puuuleeeze...the song is awesome-o)

No.

I am speaking of The Drive.

Or

The Mindset.

Because those people DRIVE ME NUTS-Ish

Probably just because I don't have it...
And I'm jeally.

An "eye" .... Yes

A "Tiger" .... No

And certainly not the Eye of the Tiger.

Allegedly.

Sitting.