The Lottery--Uncovered.

I want to do something that I love.

Everyday.

For a living.

Do you know what I mean?

There ARE people out there that do that .... or claim to...


Not sure if they chose a job and decided to love it, or went after their heart's desire from an early age or what? Sometimes I'm sure people just "fall into" a fabulous life that they never dreamt of.

There are actors and circus performers, sales people and politicians, restraunteurs, golfers and sailors that say, "Yes! Without a doubt.....I am living my dream. There is nothing else I would rather do. No one else I'd rather be."


I know. I saw it on Oprah.


But "doing what you love" is really not so easy.


Not that anyone said it was.....


I guess when they told me in college, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life," I just thought at some point I would know what to do and I'd be rich and famous and BE that person on Oprah saying....well, you know....you've just got to follow your dreams and go for it...

Or some such blah blah blah.


Well here's the problem ladies and gents:


First off, you have to FIND something that you love. That in itself can take who knows how long!?


And, quite frankly, the things that "I love" are generally not things that one can make any decent money doing ..... And more probably, no money at all.

So there's that obstacle.

Secondly, you really have to put in time to build up this business or passion or column or brand or whatever..... If I had been smart, I would have started building that at age 9. And now I'id be on QVC with Suzanne Sommers.

But I digress.

As it stands now, I am 34, (which is allegedly the new 24, but feels less and less like it) and haven't built up my empire or wrote books or franchised my salsa or become a Senator or launched some random brand that happened to find just the niche that was needed.


And most likely, neither have you.


Swallow that pill for a while and you'll come to this conclusion (maybe).

It's probably too late to do what you love.

Which means......

You're stuck in this crap job-life-career-town--whatev -- just living everyday, going to your power lunches, and running your miles, demanding spreadsheets and getting excited over pinstripes, kissing ass and having yours kissed.

Becoming that person that is ....well ...... lame.

But, that's life for most people.

If they're lucky.

If they're not, they are worried about how to feed their kids and if they'll lose their job and when spaghetti-o's go on sale.

So...... I guess we now understand why the lottery is so popular.

It's the dream people.

The dream of doing what you love.

Which, just might turn out to be, nothing.

Do You Ever Just Kind of Hate Everyone?

Not REALLY hate-hate, but just enough so that you don't want to hear what anyone has to say?

Maybe it's that I'm around people all day and am supposed to be a "people person" and inspire and motivate and quack quack quack?

So I act excited and ask questions and dig up some interest, DAY IN AND DAY OUT...Please, oh please, TELL ME MORE!!! And then, every now and then, I just cannot do it ANYMORE.

I DONT CARE. I just don't.
And I can't....not that moment...or that day.


Please do not drone on and on.

All I am thinking about is warm cherry crisp. Warmed up. Very warm with drizzle of some sort and a crunchy something.

Warmed up.

I mean it.

And ice cream...vanilla....obviously. Cold and slightly melty.

I guess the good news is it doesn't last long. The mood....or hate...or whatever. And truth be told, if you popped your head in my office you'd probably have no idea that I hated you. And the cardigan you popped in on.

So who's the wiser?

The moral of the story is that every now and then everyone is a hater.

Even perfect, delightful me.

Holiday Hoodlums

You know who you are.....

Yes you do.....


OOOooooh Caramel Corn. And fancy jello. Blueberry pie AND the ala mode.

Why must you taunt me so?

Well ... you AND your evil cousin homemade cookies and that she-devil left-overs.

Mean mean mean!!

Always calling my name....forever whispering in my hungry ear...Hey...check me out...see what I'm up to....mmmmm.....crunchy and soft and sweet and savory.....ALL TOGETHER!

We're a tornado of tantalizing delights!

Just a morsel.
A nugget.
A snacky of sorts.

Oh sure....AT FIRST!

Then it's no holds bar. I'm eating you until my jeans don't fit.

That will show you.

HA!

Who's the winner now?


Dear Jenny Craig......

Svelt Vs Smelt.....What is smelt?!

It's been a bit of a slow day. Boring. Uninspiring. Cold.

LAAAAAME.

So how do you suppose I decided to cheer the old Steph-a-roo up?!

That's right....by reading my own blogs.

Newflash: I'm very into me.

Here's what I found.....I am much more partial to my older writings....Circa September 2008 .... than the more recent musings.

They were funny! At least to me. But then I know me, so I have a bit of an inside scoop on that.

Obvo.

I'm thinking I must have been exercising or on diet pills or taking naps or something in September!?

I wonder if my pants still fit back then?

I bet they did. That DEFINITELY plays a big role in my fun and funniness capabilites.

* Side note, you're are also able to breethe much easier when your pants arent' cutting into major organs.


I've always been that way. About the weight vs happiness dealy.

Having pin-pointed that about myself ......

I am on a big fantastic high-protein diet that my 104 lb hair dresser gave me. WHO, by the way, lost 10lbs in 2 weeks (ALLEGEDLY) and guess who hasn't lost ONE GOD FORSAKEN POUND in 4 brutal days?!

I'm quite irritated. And fat.

Nonetheless!

I'm calling up that frosted tipped twit and giving her the what-for...I bet you she has been plotting against me since I forgot her tip back in May.

Well I'll tell you a little secret, she made my roots orange....So sue me if I acted like I forgot a tip.

BIG WHUP. I HAD ORANGE ROOTS.! You try feeling good about yourself with Halloween hair.

It is time to now pose a tremendously deep and life-altering questions that might have you questioning your faith:

Which is worse? Jiggly thighs with a tremendous high-light? Or wearing a size 2 with poorly processed hair?

Please send your responses with a $20 bill to the Rockford Chamber of Commerce Attn: Stephanie Wasemiller.

I will tally up the votes and report the verdict during next week's blog. You may vote as often as you like. In fact, multiple voting is encouraged. BIG TIME.

Droppy

There is one thing in life that seriously gets my goat.

Drives me nuts-o.

Makes me want to poke someone's eyes out. For CEREAL.

Here it is:

I HATE it when someone is droppy. It just makes me bezerk! I mean koo koo in la cabeza. Honestly, it makes me want to SCRIBBLE swear words in dark colors.

Don't try to squeeze in a bunch of droppy suedo important info when I ask you a completely unrelated question.

Such as:

"Girl, where did you get those HOT Shoes?!"

Instead of replying with, "Hon please! Nordys"

Someone answers with:

"Hon please! You know the hubby got that phat promotion and we're makine like $650,000 a year now, so I got them in every color at Nordys."

BEGAAAA?!

There is no reason for that nonsense. NONE.

Just drives me bonkers.

Clearly. Because I haven't blogged in like a decade and choose to ramble on about this today.

But I cannot let it fester.

That would just be destruction to my soul. And let's be honest, I do not need a festering soul. Or a marinating one. Or fizzling. A soul dipped in dulche de leche? NOW we're talking!

BUT I digress....


I don't mind people being successful etc. In fact, I prefer it...esp in my friends. It's not like I'm looking for a bunch of losers...And if you're successful your life is just going to reflect that, etc.

No duh.

I get it.

But this bragginess and acting like some info is just "slipping out"?

Do not insult me. I was on to you about 15 years ago.

Seriously, nothing says GAG like a droppy-dropperson.

At least in my world.

Now you know.

DOS

Dos (that’s 2 in English) Subjects to Report on

Both are, of course, of the UTMOST importance.

I'll start off with the least convoluted of the two. And it's really kind of a statement-question. However, I'm really not concerned with your answer, becasue, quite frankly, I'm probably going to keep doing it no matter what....

Question: Do you think I am incredibly lazy for sometimes throwing away coffee mugs at work because I don't want to hand wash them?

PREFACE....we have looooaaaads of mugs and NO dishwasher.
Also, sometimes I just don't feel like it.

AAAnd segway into subject numero 2: Isn't it odd when people make assumptions
randomly....like wow...your husband must be really handy?!

Really....why in the big fat world would you think that?

Well he just LOOKS like he would be?

What exactly do you mean? It's not like he sports a tool belt of even a compass or work gloves?
Oh you know....he's so tall...and with that smile...

Let me get this straight, you think my husband is "handy" because he's tall and has a great smile? Um...could you please connect those dots?

The last time I checked, people with great smiles weren't really that great at stuff because they don't have to be ...... because they can just turn on the smile and everyone melts and does their crap for them.

Now this is not the case with J Dub...he actually is FANTASTIC at a lot of "things".... IF you catch my drift...AND I think you do....Brown chicken...Brown Cow!

BUT it's not because he's tall and devilishly handsome.

Or IS IT?

Very, very curious.

Does this mean that I must be awesome at washing dishes .... Becuase I have tiny hands???

Well I can tell you one thing I'm not good at washing......MUGS.

However, I do have very nice eyebrows....and man, do I have an insane sense of direction.

Done. And Done.

The Orgnaized Person.....

The Organized Person.....

Has a superior life.

And is more productive. And just BETTER. In general.

Don't you think?

They are sure to have an enhanced mental state as well......because things aren't always hanging over their head. Their car is clean and their laundry is forever done. They never run out of TP and they wouldn't DREAM of having lint on their clothes.

Becuase they are organized. And prepared. And "on top of it".

I find this (organization) also goes hand in hand with the over-achievers as well....Meaning, if you find one, more likely than not, you will find the other.

Which, really isn't fair if this whole "organized thing" is nature v nurture.

Should I be punished because my nature sucked? Should I???

Maybe.

So can this illusive trait be taught or is it simply a way of being?

If I used all of my powers, could I become organized and super-duper clean? And If I do, will it, then change the FABULOUS personality that I already poseess?

These are subjects that MUST be scrutinized people.

I say it's both. Or can be.

For me, I'm just going to have to be taught. It really does not come naturally (Enter loud shocking gasp!).

I much prefer to just drop a shirt on the floor than hang it up. Eventhough it takes the same amount of time.

Warped thinking. I admit.

I do have my moments of organization. Short lived, but nontheless, they do exist. But as a rule, I have too many clothes and spots on my dishes and a freezer that hasn't been cleaned out since......well...who knows when.

Literally.

NO ONE KNOWS.

My Christmas decorations are organized.
Minus the lights.
No duh.

That, really is the Hub's job though...Lights....a very manly thing to be in charge of. Feather dusters and tutus (What? I like to dress up in costumes a lot)?

Not so much.
Do you see the rationale here?

I think the key is streamlining.

AND daily duties. Cleaning/organizing something every day. You can't just expect to spend 1 weekend a quarter going through everything.

You must maintain.
ONE MUST MAINTAIN.
Clearly.


This is all blah blah blah becasue even as I'm writing it thinking about all of the drawers containing WHO IN THE WORLD KNOWS WHAT CRAP, I'm like....uh...who wants to do that tonight!? NOT ME.

This is why it is crucial for me to have an assistant.

Or a mini-me. Preferrably putrid in the looks department and whizardly at everything else. And she cannot have bad breath. I always think someone will have bad breath if they are putrid.


So there's my Christmas list.

A putrid looking assistant.

Get on it.

Just solving the world's problems. One earth-shattering blog at a time.